


I'll always love you

by FJSoriano



Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, No Spoilers, POV Alternating, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24673975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FJSoriano/pseuds/FJSoriano
Summary: Prequel to Even After Death.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, William Hawkes & Lauren Sinclair
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	I'll always love you

**Author's Note:**

> Reading this WILL hurt. I warned you.

January 1, XX33

Five! 

Four! 

Three! 

Two! 

One! 

Happy new year! 

Shouts of joy and celebration filled the air, killing the anticipation that once covered the dim streets of Ardahlis. 

There on the balcony of their newly purchased home was the Sinclair-White family. Beside them was the Hawkes family, unfortunately missing its patriarch due to duties. Their children were at the edge of the railing, their mothers holding them down from falling. 

The children's enthusiasm only increased as they entered the next minute of the year. Having no choice Kym Ladell-Hawkes picks up her energetic daughter, having an obviously hard time doing so. 

“Now you know how me and Will feels Kym” Lauren Sinclair-White half yelled at her friend due to all the rising noise on the streets. 

The now 27-year old only pouted with her daughter who made herself comfortable in her mothers arms. Lauren and Kieran only shared a laugh, already used to the mother daughter antics.

A coughing fit stopped Lauren from continuing to admire the fireworks. Beside her, Kieran was coughing continuously, she thought she saw blood on the handkerchief but it disappeared. In the low lighting that the streets offered; she noticed, he was getting thinner, his face lacking the usual color and life she loved so much. 

After a while, he finally stopped coughing and tried to regain his breath and balance. She helped him, of course. She always will. 

“Maybe you should go to the doctor" she placed a hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat at her palm. Her eyes held worry, concern and a bit of fear; all the feelings he promised to not let her experience again. 

“Alright, I will mon amour” tilting her chin up, he gave her a deep kiss. Careful not to last too long because of Sophie. Then again, she was completely occupied with the fireworks, they can take their time. 

* * *

January 3, XX33

He had his test results back. The doctor already told him what it was so it wasn't important for him to look at it again. 

“How did the check up go?” Lauren placed down her bag at the countertop, beside the results, and gave Kieran a hug. He doesn't respond, instead he removed her arms and finished cooking dinner. 

“Kieran?” There it was again; concern and fear hidden deep in her voice. 

He doesn't respond. Instead, he calls Sophie for dinner, and they eat in silence. His daughter noticed but didn't say anything. Lauren kept giving him weird looks, but he ignored all of it. He can't tell her now, both in front of Sophie. 

-

“Kieran.” A stern voice stops him from fully entering dreamland. Beside him was his lovely wife, in their dream home with a lovely daughter a wall away from them. 

Just the thought of Sophie makes his heart break, he can't tell her. Pretend that your fine, and tell her the truth fought for control in his mind. 

She placed her hand on his shoulder, he finally decides. He sat up, took her hands in his, and looked at her in the eyes. 

He loves their color. The same eyes that belonged to the woman who gave him a purpose to live. The same eyes, the same woman who saved him from the darkness in his soul. The same eyes, the same woman who gave him his pride and joy, his daughter. 

He can't tell her, but he needs to. 

He gestures her to follow him, she does. They head down to the kitchen, every second felt like an eternity for him but just a few seconds of waiting for her. 

Finally they arrive in the kitchen, he picks up the results, still unmoved next to her bag. 

He hands it to her and his mind goes back to their late night talks about the Phantom Scythe. All the documents that went through their gloved hands to avoid fingerprints. All the discussions on their next move. All the truce and apologies to their original deal. 

He misses it. 

He turns his back on her, avoiding her gaze. She reads the paper, shock and fear running in her veins. 

In her hands was a single piece of paper, her husband's test results. In the very bottom, it says in bolded letters:

**Positive for Lung Cancer**

She felt tears prickling her eyes, forcing themselves to fall, but they won't. She felt her chest increase in weight, making it harder for her to breath. She staggers forward, barely able to hang onto Kieran's back. She placed her forehead at the nape of his neck, wrapping her hands around his stomach. 

Kieran had pushed all her fears away before, but she felt them come back. Once again looming over her and holding her heart hostage. 

In a quiet heartbroken voice, she whispers "It'll be alright. We'll get through this together"

-

"Sophie, darling, why are you still awake" Sophie turned to her bedroom door, there stood her rather stiff-looking father. 

"I'm waiting for mommy to fix my hair" she went back to slowly brushing her hair, careful not to leave any strands unbrushed. 

Kieran slowly walked in the room, admiring the princess themed bedroom and picture filled walls. 

They were happy living on the Sinclair Manor but it was too far from his workplace and Sophie's daycare. They saw the house on sale during one of their strolls around town. It was close enough to the station, his office, Sophie's daycare and to their favorite place in Ardahlis. The house itself was relatively spacious, but what really convinced them to buy the house was the princess themed bedroom Sophie loved so much that they had to drag her back to the Manor. 

"Mommy is already asleep. Mind if I braid your hair?" Her eyes shone at his request. She nodded enthusiastically, rushing to her closet to get her favorite ribbon. 

He sat at the chair right next to her dresser. He gave a light-hearted glare at the statue of tinkerbell holding Sophie's hair brush. Sophie came back holding a familiar white ribbon. 

It was the ribbon Lauren gave him on Christmas, as an apology she says. It got torn during one of their missions, needless to say, he never saw it again. Lauren knew exactly how much he valued the ribbon and she didn't let it go to waste. 

"There done" It was quite messy, some stands falling out and some a bit too tight. And he was quite sure that the line separating the braids was just a **bit** tilted. He's seen Lauren do this a thousand times. Who would have thought that it was this hard? 

"Daddy I love it!" Sophie jumped up and down touching the pigtails over and over again. He chuckled, remembering the time he let Lauren braid his hair. It was better than this and he wasn't even half as enthusiastic his daughter. 

"Alright cheesecake, bed time" he picked her up, still very careful with her head. He hummed his and Lauren's favorite symphony, now her special lullaby. He felt her shift slightly before he heard light snores. 

The bed was right in front of him, but he didn't place her down. Looking down, he still can't believe what he was holding, **_HIS_** daughter. She used to be so small and tiny in his arms, now he was having a slightly difficult time holding her for too long. She has obviously grown since he last held her. When was it 3 or 5 months ago? 

Hesitantly placing her down, he took extra caution to not wake her up. She twisted and turned before she fully faced him. Just as he was about to leave, she grabbed his index finger. He stood there not taking his finger back. After 5 minutes of this, Lauren had to come in and help him pull his finger away. 

He looked back at his innocent daughter, sleeping peacefully at her bed; and his lovely wife, clutching to his arm after a hard days work with documents. They were a perfect family. He finally gave Lauren the trust and peace she needed in her life. The world be damned if he was going to be the one to tear it all apart. 

* * *

  
February 14 XX33

"And now we wait for the cake to cool. We can make the sauce now" Sophie jumped in joy and stepped off the stool to fetch the bag of strawberries. Kieran chuckled at his daughter's behavior, enjoying the sight of her sorting the good strawberries from the bad ones. She finally came back with a nearly empty bowl. 

"Cheesecake, we need the rest of the strawberries to make the sauce" she pouted and crossed her arms

"They're bad strawberries. I don't want them in my cake." Stubborn as her mother, he thought. He picked up the bowl and ate one of the 'bad' strawberries. 

"See, daddy is completely okay. They're not bad strawberries" he raised his arms and did a little spin in front of her. He can feel her gaze at him, trying to find something that the poor fruit did. 

"But mommy told me that bad strawberries make daddy sick. I don't want you to get sick" so that was this was about. Picking up his daughter, he contemplates on what he should say. 

Over the last month, he has gotten weaker. He's always coughing, sometimes with blood, breathless, or completely exhausted. He didn't even realize that his precious daughter would be wondering what was wrong with him. Lauren took care of that for him too. But she HAD to blame it on his favorite fruit. She never change. 

The worst of it was that he can't spent much time with his family. There wasn't a lot of time in between work and treatments. It was a miracle that he even found time to do the grocery and bake this cake with Sophie. 

"Daddy is not too sick alright cheesecake. You just don't give me good night kiss anymore. You only give that to your mom" he placed a pout on his face, secretly enjoying the look of fear on his daughter's face. 

"What about this, I get the last slice of cake and I won't be sick anymore" surprisingly a bright smile lit up on her face, and nodded. 

"You can always have the last slice daddy" she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek, just as he wished

"There we go. I'm not feeling sick anymore" he hold her under her armpits and began twirling her in the air. She let out a squeal of surprise before it turned to one of happiness. Still obviously carefully not to drop her, he does another twirl. 

Lauren stood at the entryway of the kitchen, holding a camera. She's been there for a while now and has recorded the entire process of making the cake. She wanted to keep recording for the moment to last forever but she knew that it was better to let them live in their own little world, even for a short while. 

* * *

March 24 XX33

It was a well known fact that the Sinclair-Whites' was a family of workaholic. The family breathes in work hours and vacations were rarer than a blue moon. Even their 5-year old daughter was exels in academically and on extra curricular activities. That is why when the family was spotted at the beach it caused quite a few weird glances and hushed whispers. 

"Sophie don't go too far in the water" Lauren Sinclair yelled after her daughter. She was sitting on one of the available beach chairs of the resort right next to the White beach of Ardahlis. Beside her was her husband, mind still with the documents he handles. 

Taking his hand on her own, she leans back in her chair, enjoying the heat of the sun. 

"Don't you also have a lot of cases to finish at the station?" Kieran asks, letting out a sigh afterwards. 

"Yes, but fresh air would be good for you" he really can't help but think about work. It was one of the few distractions he had in his life from the disease. 

As if sensing his negative thoughts, she stands up, her shawl falling off. His eyes immediately sent a murderous glare to the drooling men over his wife. 

She lets out a laugh, one he hasn't heard in a long time, and takes his hand. They head over to the Sophie running away from the waves. 

"Go get Sophie. Meet me by the boats in 10 minutes. Get your camera." He didn't exactly have a choice did he? Grunting he took he shawl and messyly hung it on her shoulders. She gives him a raised eyebrow but he just shrugged. He never liked it when other men would stare then drool at HIS wife. No wonder Lauren calls him possessive. 

"Hey cheesecake" Sophie hearing her father immediately ran and attached herself to his leg. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" She didn't respond but he could sense large amounts of fear from her. She takes after her mother and it would take a lot more than small tidal waves to scare her off. 

"Let me guess, scared of the ocean?" Not waiting for an answer, he picks her up and heads for the sea. She lets out a scream and struggles in his hold. He doesn't budge but instead walks faster. 

Holding Sophie tight to his chest, he shows her that the ocean was nothing to be scared of. The more comfortable Sophie got, the more he held her tightly and walked to the deeper parts. It went up to the point that she was sitting on his shoulders with the water up to his neck. 

"Kieran, Sophie" Lauren Sinclair-White shouted after her husband and daughter. She was happy that they spent time together but was very, very much terrified of the thought of her daughter falling from her father's shoulders. 

Without much hesitation; he walks back to the shore, making Sophie pout and settle in her mother's arms. 

  
"He hold the camera" He never liked the camera. Whenever they took a photo, he would immediately re-draw it and insist that it was the better one and should be framed too. Lauren loves teasing him about replacing his drawing with the original photo; he would ignore her the whole day, but its worth it for her. 

They spent around 5 minutes walking to the boat, most of which was Sophie telling stories to her mother. Finally arriving at one of the boats, Lauren gets on one without much hesitation. 

He, however, was very doubtful. On one hand; he knows Lauren has prepared a surprise and a very good one, but on the other, he's not sure if the boat is **COMPLETELY** safe. 

"Its safe. Now come on" she assures him. Hesitantly getting on the boat, he takes Sophie from Lauren's arms and the boat starts up (thank God that there were life vests, if there wasn't he would have jumped off immediately). 

The boat ride was quite relaxing, he has to admit. It stops in the middle of the ocean though. A boat ride is not supposed to stop in the middle of the ocean. Why did they stop? Was it out of gas? Was there a hole in the boat or something? 

Scanning the bottom of the small boat, he finds nothing. Lauren was still occupied with talking to the ferryman and Sophie was busy looking at the corals. Hope one of them soon finishes up what their doing, or he might flip a certain boat over. 

"Sophie!" Hearing her name called, she immediately and carefully walks over to her mother. 

"Alright I'm going to tell you why were here" she slips a pair of googles on Sophie's identical yellow eyes. 

"Were going to look at the corals and little fishes underwater!" Sophie immediately clasps her hands in joy and pleads/begs her mother to go down now. She catches his eyes for half a second before she slowly submerged herself (and sophie) into the water. 

"Mommy! Look over there!" She turned her head and, fair enough, saw a fishes of different kinds, and corals of different color. Sophie struggled in her mother's grasp, wanting to get a better look the corals and fish. 

"Don't touch anything, alright?" Sophie enthusiastically nodded and pointed at the opposite direction. 

In the middle of admiring a red coral, Lauren heard the click of a camera and looked back to see Kieran holding the camera like a trophy over his head. She tries to take it back without disapproving Sophie. 

  
She got to hold the camera and he got to hold Sophie. Win-Win for everyone. When Sophie wasn't looking, he would give her a little kisses and whispers that are not allowed to be mentioned. 

By the time they got back to the shore, Sophie was already deep asleep. Paying the ferryman an extra amount, the family packed their luggage and headed back to the busy life of the city. 

He has only one regret though. He never finished teaching Sophie how to swim. 

April 15, XX33

_Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you_

The song finished and the princess blew out her candle. Beside her was her parents, eyes full of joy and bittersweet smiles on one of their faces. 

Games were played, presents were opened, the guests came and went. Kieran maneuvers through the cases of party decorations looking for his daughter. He found her sleeping next to her mother who was busy with signing papers. Picking her up, he mentally calculated how someone so small could be so heavy. 

"I'm telling what I wished for" she whispered, still half asleep. She snuggled closer to his neck, _again like her mother._

"I wish daddy can stay with me" 

_I'm sorry princess_

May 19, XX33

"I don't want to die" Kieran says out of the blue. They were waiting for the doctor to come back with the lab results. Today was the day they can know if the treatments worked. 

"You won't." She offers him a reassuring smile. She was getting better at hiding her own feelings to comfort him. 

Finally the Dr. Suarez came back with the results in hand. Taking a seat at his desk he faces the husband and wife with a grim face. 

"Mr and Mrs. Sinclair-White, I am sorry to say this but the treatments wasn't enough to stop the cancer cells from spreading." 

"Is there anything else doctor? "Lauren knows more than anyone how much he hated showing how he felt in front of other people. He would play the shocked patient for now. 

"Yes, the cancer cells are growing at an alarming rate. Mr. White will need to take kimotherapy here and blah blah blah "he didn't pay anymore attention to the doctor, or anything, in particular. 

  
Later that night... 

As they were preparing Kieran's clothes, Lauren could help but spare glances at his direction. She tries to start a conversation but falls miserably. 

  
"You know, I'm so stupid."he starts

"I thought that just because we brought down the Sythe, I would be forgiven. I thought I was forgiven for all the deaths taken by my hands" he paused, staring at his hands. 

"I forgot that they'll never be. This is the way the gods are punishing me Lauren. It is." Lauren hugged him tight. He felt tears falling down on his back. He realized, she was crying. And he was the reason why.

"It is" he felt all his hopes to live slowly disappear within one sentence. 

"No. You won't " _He didn't have her talent but he can clearly see that she was lying._

* * *

May 22, XX33 (Monday) 

_Hospitals are always so quiet_ , he said to no one in particular. Its been a week since he arrived and started his treatment. Each day he grows weaker but healthier the nurses say. 

He wasn't given much entertainment except for the television and his sketchbook. Lauren had sneaked the sketchbook in and he had to hide it underneath the mattress. 

The sun was going to set soon. Even without looking at the clock, he can tell that visiting hours was mostly over by the noise in the hallways. The door opened, and to his surprise, Sophie was standing at the door with a nurse behind her. 

"Sophie, what are you doing here?" He sat up with little difficultly. 

"Daddy was sick so I came to visit you!" She replied with a bright smile. She happily ran, and jumped onto the bed. 

"Does your mom know about you going here?" He stoked her hair lovingly, memorizing the shade and curls she got from him. 

"Nope" she replied almost too uncaring about the entire ordeal. She rummaged through her bag, trying to find something. 

"Then how did you get here?" He was still baffled how his daughter go to the hospital without her mother. 

"I walked" she handed him a small piece of paper from her pocket, and continued to search for something in her backpack. 

The piece of paper was a poorly drawn map of Ardahlis. Horrible looking, yes, but very accurate. He saw the Cental park, the Manor, their new house, the station and the hospital drawn with crayons while the streets were 2 parallel lines; the crosswalks also highlighted. 

A feeling of pride swelled up in his chest (or its just the cancer), knowing that his daughter knew exactly where and how to get back home. 

Sophie finally handed him a small notebook filled with doodles and entries about her day. A diary, he realized. A small smile made its way to his face remembering his dear wife's diary hidden perfectly beside the encyclopedias and dictionary. 

"Why are you giving me this?" 

"Mom said you can't leave the hospital so I wrote down what we can do here. So you don't have to leave" her smile once again reminded him of Lauren whenever her idea would be set to motion. 

He flipped the pages and soon enough landed on a list of possible activities in the hospital. 

"Alright we'll do these but your mother won't let you go here on your own" she smiled, once again identical to her mothers. 

  
They were halfway through the list on Friday when he heard the door slam open.There stood Detective Sinclair-White with fire ablaze in her eyes. Sophie immediately hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her instinctively. 

"Sophie" a single word, name, came from her lips. He was quite confused. Didn't Sophie already ask permission from her?... unless she hasn't. Holding back a sigh, he greets his dear wife with a smile. 

"Lauren! You came to visit me. How very thoughtful darling" Sophie was still trying to hide against his mothers wrath. Lauren was not impressed by the slightest. 

"I didn't come here for you" ~~it hurt him just a bit~~ "I came here because your daughter has been sneaking out of the daycare AFTER class to go here. Do you know how many calls to the precinct the daycare made to report a missing child, only to find that child after the police get there?" 

He didn't know whether to feel pride in his daughter escaping from her teachers; happy because she's determined to visit him everyday; or disappointed for that very reason. He doesn't like picking, so he'll go with all three. 

After 10 minutes of arguing, they finally reach a compromise. Sophie will spend the entire weekend with him on the hospital, leaving on Monday morning, and arriving at Friday afternoon. It was the best they could do without ruining each others schedule. 

Visiting hours was over a while ago but none of the nurses could come close because of Lauren's infamous demonic glare. 

* * *

June 24, XX33

Lauren had gotten a call at the precinct. She should've stayed until after her shift but work can wait. William also heard and offered to drive her. Where was she going? The hospital. She has never placed work before him and she never will. 

Running as fast as she can through the maze of hallway of the hospital, she finally arrives at his room. Slamming the door open, she catches sight of doctors yelling out orders, nurses moving around the room, completely ignoring her and on the bed was Kieran. His eyes closed tightly, an oxygen mask secured to his face. His chest barely moved; fear started to run in her veins. Unwanted imagery forced itself in her mind. 

She heard the beat of the electocardiography slowed down. William arrived a few seconds later; hand immediately on hers. 

His head turned to her. With his last breath he whispered; I love you two, forever. 

Even through all the noise in the room, she heard him perfectly. Even though all the nurses inside the room, she saw his smile clearly. 

**Author's Note:**

> If your wondering why I wrote this, I also have no idea why. My heart broke ten times writing this and a hundred fold more on posting this. Now to everyone who managed to get this far without crying, read the second chapter of Even After Death. I can assure you that you will cry soon after.


End file.
